


Far From Fine, but Working on it

by Doctor_Discord



Series: The Ego Manor [151]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, I do like this one, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad and Sweet, talking it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22122625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Discord/pseuds/Doctor_Discord
Summary: Chase and Silver talk about their respective histories and traumas.
Series: The Ego Manor [151]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1166384
Comments: 24
Kudos: 169





	Far From Fine, but Working on it

**Author's Note:**

> * W A R N I N G *  
> This one has talk of suicide, attempted suicide, and self-harm!!! A heavy story! If you can't read, _**don't**!!!_

“How do you do it?”

Silver and Chase sat on a rooftop in the city, legs dangling over the edge. Jackie had spotted Chase in the city, then _conveniently_ darted off to somewhere else, shouting a vague excuse over his shoulder. They’d gotten the picture pretty quick.

Silver glanced over at Chase when he spoke, brow furrowing a little. His mask and gloves discarded for the moment. “What do you mean?”

Chase shrugged, staring down, down at the city streets so far below. “I mean…how do deal with…what happened? To your friend? I mean, you seemed fine for a long time.”

Silver snorted. “I was _far_ from fine. I just…didn’t recognize the symptoms. _No one_ did. Not until I…” He cleared his throat, rubbing at his arms. The people looked like ants below them.

Chase laughed, a little bit of a nervous sound, and tilted his head up to face the sky instead, kicking his legs a little. “I feel that. My…well, my family knew. I guess it was more…I dunno, obvious? In me? But…they didn’t know how _bad_ it was. They tried, but…”

“…Not much reaches you, when you’re like that.” Silver smiled a little. “I get it. I…understand a little more _why_ Ibis did what he did. But I…I still can’t help but feel I could’ve done _more_ , that it’s _my_ fault, if I had just _seen_ –”

Tears began trailing down Silver’s face, his voice choked up, and he let out a gasping sob, grip tightening on the roof’s edge. Chase was quick to comfort, laying a hand on Silver’s back. “Hey! Hey, no, don’t think like that. It’s _not_ your fault. In all honesty…” Chase offered a small smile. “You’re probably what kept him holding on as long as he did. _God_ know if I…if I didn’t have my kids…” Chase drew a deep breath, and shrugged again, his hand slipping from Silver’s back. “I dunno, I’ve…contemplated trying again. Dunno how I’d do it. Jackie in particular is pretty paranoid.”

Silver choked out a little laugh through his tears, sniffing at wiping at his eyes. “I get that, too. Our kitchen is like a padded cell now. I’m not even allowed in there without two of the others. Dr. Iplier has to help me shave because he took all my razors. It’s a bit…much, but I understand.”

Chase laughed. “God, my house was the same way for the first year or so. Couldn’t go anywhere without Jackie or Marv or Schneep hovering around me. _Especially_ Schneep. Anti was like, an alarm system, chasing me around the house and making sure I didn’t do anything else stupid. Neither JJ nor Robbie were around yet when it happened, but when they heard, JJ nearly drowned me in tea, and Robbie showed his worry in his own ways. Kept offering me his hand to hold.” He chuckled. “Which is sweet, but still a little disturbing when he pulled it off his wrist and _literally_ handed it to me.”

Silver burst into surprised laughter, nearly falling off the roof. Chase laughed as well, both of their guards slowly slipping away. There wasn’t…really anyone else they knew who could relate, in this way. The Host was close, for Silver, but…there was a small difference between _thinking_ about something, and going through with it. And no one in the Septic household has gone through what Chase has. It was…a little comforting, to talk to someone who _knew_ the pain. Different than talking to anyone else.

Silver wiped at his eyes again. The tears didn’t seem to want to stop now that they’d started. “You know, I remember. The day you tried. I was with Jackie most of that morning, until he went up to see you. I was hovering around the second floor of your studio.” He shrugged, and split in a little grin. “Did you know that Jackie literally _burst_ through the wall to get you to the hospital? I doubt he even felt it. He was flying so fast I could hardly see him.”

Chase blinked in surprise. “…Is that why they didn’t let me have my studio back for like, a month?”

Silver snickered. “I’m sure for other reasons as well, but they probably wanted to cover up the Jackie-sized hole in the wall first, too.”

Chase smiled, then fell backwards with a groan, lying on his back to stare up at the sky with his arms spread, his hat tumbling of his head. “Why is life so _hard?_ If we’re supposed to live, ‘live our best life’, then why is there like, _shit_ around every corner? It’s stupid.” Chase scratched at the side of his head, and something told Silver he was picking at his scar.

Silver shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly don’t. I just think…well, some of us definitely have it worse than others.” A wry smile appeared on his face. “Life just _sucks_ , doesn’t it? But I guess that’s why people like us strive to make it better for others.”

Chase raised an eyebrow, lolling his head to face him. “…What do you mean?”

Silver’s smile became a little warmer. “You’re a YouTuber, man. I guarantee every single one of your videos has made at least someone smile, made them forget just a little bit their own life’s hardships. And I don’t just fly around wearing this skin-tight costume for no reason.” Chase burst into giggles, and Silver couldn’t help but laugh. “I…try to help people. Try to make life a little less shitty, try to get those who need it the help they need.” His face fell, and more tears fell with it, falling to the city streets. “It’s literally my job to save people, to _protect_ people. Just rubs salt into the wound that I couldn’t save the one person who meant the world to me.”

Chase pushed himself back upright, fixing his hat. It was silent for a moment, before Chase spoke again. “…Do you think Jackie would’ve liked him?”

Silver snorted. “Jackie would’ve _loved_ him. Ibis was…a lot like him.” He laughed. “The Jims _adored_ him, if that gives you a better picture of what he was like. He had an affinity for duct tape like them, and more often than not I’d be his dummy. While I was sleeping, of course. The amount of times I woke up taped to the ceiling is astounding.”

Chase laughed, kicking his legs some more, before his smile turned sad again, and then it melted away. “What’s your secret though? You…you’re at least _stable_. You’re…they’re not _babying_ you as much. They’re concerned, yeah, but they’re not _smothering_ you. Sometimes I think my brothers forget that my attempt was _years_ ago, and I haven’t tried anything since. How’d you get them to…calm down?”

Silver raised an eyebrow. “In all honesty? Therapy.” Chase visibly hunched his shoulders, and Silver offered a sympathetic smile. “I know, I know, trust me, I was reluctant too, at the beginning. But it _really_ does help. Talking. Talking out stuff. It…takes a few sessions to get comfortable, beyond awkward silences and stretched out pauses, but it _really_ does help. I…look forward to seeing my therapist, honestly. You should ask Dr. Schneeplestein about it.”

Chase scoffed. “Yeah…”

Silver shifted to face him more. “I’m serious! You should at least consider it.”

Chase just sighed, and glanced at Silver. “Alright, Jackie, you can come back out now.”

“Aw _dammit!_ ”

Silver jumped a mile, accidentally slipping off the rooftop, and he plummeted a few stories before he snapped back into himself and soared back upward, just in time to catch Jackie slinking around from the side of the building. “ _Jackie!_ What the _fuck?!_ ”

Jackie shrugged sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “…Sorry. I just…wanted t’make sure you two were okay. That you didn’t try to…you know…”

Silver and Chase exchanged glances, and Chase raised an eyebrow. “Did you _seriously_ think we’d try to jump off the roof?”

“Jackie, I can _fly_ , too, I’d catch him myself. And my aura and powers would stop me before I hit the ground. You know that.”

Jackie turned pink a little. “I know! I know that! I just…” He cleared his throat, and turned to Chase. “…How did you know I was here?”

Chase smirked a little. “You forget your costume is _bright_ red, Jacks. I saw you double-back when Silver flew us up here.”

“… _Fuck_.”

Silver rolled his eyes affectionately, and he ruffled Jackie’s hair as he passed, grabbing his mask and gloves and slipping them back on. “We’re fine, Jackie. It’s okay.” He smiled a little. “How about you fly Chase home, and I’ll buy lunch. Whatever you want.”

Jackie slowly grinned. “ _Whatever_ I want?”

Silver narrowed his eyes. “Within _reason_ , Jackie.”

“You’re no fun!”

“No, you’re just ridiculous.”

**Author's Note:**

> Oof, this is a sad one, but I like this one! I've been wanting to do this for a while. I hope you liked it!  
> Wednesday is a _really_ fun one, I've had it written for months, _God_ was it fun, I love it so much!
> 
> Tumblr: doctordiscord123.tumblr.com


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